My shadow is missing...

So I'm 2 1/2 weeks into my leave. It's getting to be that I no longer know which day is which. Sleeping in is a lost cause but I manage to lie in till about 6:30am or sometimes 7:00am. This is good as overnight temperatures are dropping to about 5C.

Jerome still wakes me about 5:00am though, asking for his breakfast. I put it off as long as I can but I usually give up about 5:30 or sooner, dive out of bed, throw some kibble in his dish and dash back. Usually though he's back asking me to stand near the dish while he eats. Since I've been on leave, Jerome has barely left my side, even taking to sleeping on top of me during the night. Sometimes he tucks himself down behind my knees but that's rare. If I lie on my back, he lays down on my stomach. If I lie on my side, he's just as likely to climb on my hip and ribs and lie there. If I lie on my back with one knee bent, he uses my inner thigh for a pillow. Some of the gymnastics I go through to change position!

A lot of days getting out of bed is about all I can manage. In the beginning I slept. A lot. I'd be out of bed about 6:30 or 7:00, go back to sleep for a couple of hours around 9:30, wake for about 3 or 4 hours, sleep again for a couple of hours and then go to bed about 9:30pm. I didn't eat much.

MOTH tries to get me out of the house occasionally, but doesn't push too hard. Last Thursday he insisted I attend lunch with the Club. We went to the local and dined in the restaurant there. I had salt and pepper calamari with salad. It was very very good. The calamari was lovely and tender. It was a struggle but I managed all of the calamari and most of the salad. The company was good and didn't push me to talk too much. MOTH ate a kilo of ribs and most of his salad. John and Stan were quite impressed.

We did the grocery shopping after, when it was all packed away I was exhausted.

I think I'm improving a little though. My appetite is returning. I don't sleep as much during the day. I have a little more energy. I realised that I'm not having to make a conscious effort to uncurl and relax as often. Yesterday was a good day. I cooked cannelloni from scratch for dinner and learned how to fold a fitted sheet.

I still have problems with the idea of going out and I am definitely not keen on returning to work as I know I will be going back into the situation I was having trouble with. But again, I'm trying not to think that far ahead. One of my friends reminded me of a suggestion I made to him, so long ago I had forgotten about it. A "burn book" where I could write down how I felt and destroy later. I can't even bring myself to do that, it's all just so "meh" at the moment. Perhaps I can do it later. But I guess by then I will have forgotten all the little incidents that added up to so much stress. Who knows...

Dogs. Cats. Travel. Yay.

Time slips by so quickly, all the days blend into one. The black dog comes and goes and I just don't care anymore.

I've finally given in and am taking extended leave from work to get myself back together. The truly terrifying thought is at the end of those eight weeks, I'm back into the situation I left in the first place. Still, that's a way down the track and I need to focus on the now.

The work conference came and went this year, a mere blip on my radar. Enthusiasm for it has long waned so I don't have many photos. Twenty years of business this year so for something different...

This year Admin2 and I were told our presence wasn't required until Tuesday. No going down the night before, Tuesday morning as a normal work day so please leave home by 9am, go straight to the work room until bump in at 12:30pm. Off to a great start. The General Manager informed staff that partners were welcome to attend the conference for a day. Then we were told they weren't welcome at all. Staff kicked up a fuss, so then they were. Except for Admin2. She doesn't have a partner so she brings one of her brothers. Not this year. He's not a partner so he couldn't attend. So very unfair in my book. Penalised because she is the only single person in the office. Mind, while there, I did notice the General Manager not only brought his current squeeze, but his parents as well.

MOTH had to take me to the conference this year. I didn't get a work car, and since no one except Admin2 was travelling Tuesday. And my lift on Friday turned out to be leaving late, around 6:30 to 7:00pm. I didn't want to wait that long and I didn't want to spring the lift request on the other person who lived in my suburb. So he came to fetch me as well. Now I'm eggshells as to whether or not I will be allowed to claim mileage costs for both trips.

I have a visit with HR to discuss extended leave to be followed by a visit to the doctor. HR are supportive of me looking after my health and not allowing it to get the better of me. I suppose this may have something to do with a popular ITS staff member committing suicide last year. I go to my doctor and get eight weeks off. I have use my sick leave, my recreation leave and some long service to cover this. Not the best, but there isn't much else I can do.

The doctor gives me the third degree about symptoms etc and once again, pushes the CPAP machine and a further sleep study. I remain unconvinced. I've yet to hear of someone having a sleep study and being told they DON'T need a machine. I couldn't afford one anyway, they aren't subsidised for people in my wage bracket.

The Teen turns 21 this weekend. We're headed north to help her celebrate. The Elder has organised her birthday cake and it is a cracker. It's shaped like the Yellow Submarine. It's one of Teen's favourite movies. And while uploading photos, I've just realised I didn't get any photos of her. *bummed*

We got to meet Harry's parents. They seem pretty down to earth. Not quite the same as MOTH and I, but close. We slept over at Teen's and had breakfast with Harry and his folks the next morning.

I got to check out the new abode of Elder's. It's a pretty good abode. Sheldon and Penny like it. A lot. It's in a good area, though the rent is very high.

It was so great to catch up with everyone. Except Mouse. She missed out this time. The days seemed so full. And again, I didn't get to catch up with my friends while I was there. One day I will really have to make sure I have enough time to catch up with them all!