My shadow is missing...

So I'm 2 1/2 weeks into my leave. It's getting to be that I no longer know which day is which. Sleeping in is a lost cause but I manage to lie in till about 6:30am or sometimes 7:00am. This is good as overnight temperatures are dropping to about 5C.

Jerome still wakes me about 5:00am though, asking for his breakfast. I put it off as long as I can but I usually give up about 5:30 or sooner, dive out of bed, throw some kibble in his dish and dash back. Usually though he's back asking me to stand near the dish while he eats. Since I've been on leave, Jerome has barely left my side, even taking to sleeping on top of me during the night. Sometimes he tucks himself down behind my knees but that's rare. If I lie on my back, he lays down on my stomach. If I lie on my side, he's just as likely to climb on my hip and ribs and lie there. If I lie on my back with one knee bent, he uses my inner thigh for a pillow. Some of the gymnastics I go through to change position!

A lot of days getting out of bed is about all I can manage. In the beginning I slept. A lot. I'd be out of bed about 6:30 or 7:00, go back to sleep for a couple of hours around 9:30, wake for about 3 or 4 hours, sleep again for a couple of hours and then go to bed about 9:30pm. I didn't eat much.

MOTH tries to get me out of the house occasionally, but doesn't push too hard. Last Thursday he insisted I attend lunch with the Club. We went to the local and dined in the restaurant there. I had salt and pepper calamari with salad. It was very very good. The calamari was lovely and tender. It was a struggle but I managed all of the calamari and most of the salad. The company was good and didn't push me to talk too much. MOTH ate a kilo of ribs and most of his salad. John and Stan were quite impressed.

We did the grocery shopping after, when it was all packed away I was exhausted.

I think I'm improving a little though. My appetite is returning. I don't sleep as much during the day. I have a little more energy. I realised that I'm not having to make a conscious effort to uncurl and relax as often. Yesterday was a good day. I cooked cannelloni from scratch for dinner and learned how to fold a fitted sheet.

I still have problems with the idea of going out and I am definitely not keen on returning to work as I know I will be going back into the situation I was having trouble with. But again, I'm trying not to think that far ahead. One of my friends reminded me of a suggestion I made to him, so long ago I had forgotten about it. A "burn book" where I could write down how I felt and destroy later. I can't even bring myself to do that, it's all just so "meh" at the moment. Perhaps I can do it later. But I guess by then I will have forgotten all the little incidents that added up to so much stress. Who knows...