Tearing my hair out

When will it end? I really don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to continue her care but I have no option as she cannot return home, I have no work, and we cannot pay rent on the amount of income we would have. So, we continue to ride the merry go round.

She returned home. Ma told me she didn't want to. Of course not, I say, here there are RULES!

We had a talk, she and I. She promised to work hard on being an adult. Yeah. I think that lasted a week. I've tried using positive reinforcement, and am still having to constantly remind her if she wants me to say "good job" she really has to do her chores properly. Because I can't say "good job" and offer praise if she's made mistakes not because she genuinely tried but because of lack of attention to her task. And that's a lot of the mistakes she makes. Lack of attention. She's even forgetting routine tasks like setting the table or setting it incorrectly. Not following simple directions for basic tasks. Not bringing in the washing like she usually does.

I talked to her about behaving and respect and other adult things. I told her she could go out with the Thursday group again this year but it very much depended on her behaviour as to whether she would continue to be allowed. She returned that day and said she had a good day. I had my fingers crossed. She came home that day and said she'd had a good day.

She went out with a new access worker - another one - the following Friday in early February after she returned. She came home with a chocolate rose and I thought nothing of it. Two days later I discover it's still in the fridge. I tell her she had better eat it. She shook her head and had a certain look on her face.... No, she says, she can't. I looked at her dismayed. It had better not be a gift... It was a gift. She didn't tell me who it was for but I told her in no uncertain terms that if it was for that boy she had better think again. It was inappropriate, they aren't in a relationship, she can't have him because he didn't want to be in a relationship with her, and she'd better not be thinking about Will either because he has already made it known that he didn't want to be in a relationship.

She wasn't happy but neither was I. Here we are having made it to February and she's back to her old tricks.

Monday afternoon when she was picked up from her day program, one of the workers said Niece had been shaking all day and had something to tell us. MOTH and I are sitting in the lounge room and she stands there and tells me that the boy she has been bullying "bashed" her and "sexually assaulted" her on the train platform on Thursday. She'd even written a letter to him asking why he did that and telling him she would be taking him to court. MOTH and I were stunned. Of course we didn't believe her. The boy is quiet, well mannered, and unassuming. She, on the other hand, is well known as a bully and a liar who can't be trusted. She was determined to tell someone on Tuesday when she went back. We tried to impress upon her the seriousness of these allegations; they would be investigated and there would be consequences for all involved. MOTH and I both know she has more or less done this before when she reported another boy for inappropriate behaviour. On that occasion it was strongly suspected that she had been flirting with him; he flirted back and she didn't know how to respond so reported it. He got into trouble and she didn't.

I phoned my contact in the Tuesday group and left a voice mail. A week later I had heard nothing so I sent a text. I eventually got a reply saying that she had reported that the boy hit her, it had been investigated but the boy concerned had no recollection of such an incident and neither of the supervisors for that outing had seen anything. So again, she gets away with no consequences. I am so not happy about that.

Because I hadn't been sending her to the Thursday group outings due to her bullying she has excess funding left from her NDIS plan. I know that if this doesn't get spent she will not have it allocated again when her plan is up for review in July. This does worry me as I do not want her spending time at home. I have been thinking of withdrawing her from the Thursday group altogether and sending her to the Monday group that day instead. Does that make sense? That would mean Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday with that group and only Tuesday with the other.

But Monday this week she comes home with a large chocolate rabbit. This is the second time. We quizzed her as to where it came from and eventually she tells us that Guy gave it to her. It took some work but eventually she owned up to flirting with Guy.... AND WE'RE BACK TO THE SAME FRIKKIN PROBLEM. She was spoken to sternly by the Monday group coordinators for inappropriate behaviour with the males in that group late last year. But here we are, a new year, and it's like she's completely forgotten about that. AND HOW CAN I SEND HER ANOTHER DAY IF SHE'S BUSY WORKING ON ANOTHER BLOKE AS A BOYFRIEND. She has learned NOTHING.

It's no wonder my hair is thinning.

MOTH has tried to apply for the pension again. Did I mention in a previous post that Centrelink had decided that after 13 years or more he no longer meets the eligibility criteria? It's all changed and now he has to meet a 20 point table. Very very strict. His second attempt was again unsuccessful. He provided more evidence specifically related to an additional medical condition but still no dice. His GP was very surprised at the outcome. But what do they expect him to do? Actually attempt suicide? Because that's what it sounds like. Chronic depression and osteoarthritis with limited movement obviously mean that you can work or study full time, right?

Stupid bureaucrats who make these rules have never been in this position. Mind though, from previous experience, they can change the rules fast enough if someone in their family is adversely affected.

I need a job.... but I've been unemployed too long and need to go back to school to brush up on skills. Who is going to pay me to do that....