I don't know what I did in a previous life but....

It's true. How many did I kill or maim? Life, Karma, whatever has been making a good effort to grind me down since 2010/11. Okay, I give up. You're winning. I'm down to one day at a time now. Just. One. Day. At. A. Time...

I don't have work. I still provide care for my niece. I thought I had work. But someone else is apparently more qualified for the job I was doing part time while they filled the position.

Some woman took out the passenger side door of my car and the excess is $650. Plus $100 deposit for a hire car. There goes my savings.

MOTH doesn't work. He's been on disability for about thirteen years. And now they say he doesn't qualify for that anymore. And he has to go back to an unemployment benefit. He's retirement/age pension age in two years. But unemployment benefits are half the pension. I've no idea how we are going to pay the rent. No idea at all.

How many did I kill or maim in a previous life??

Getting ready for a transition

I honestly despair that Niece will ever function independently. Ever. I've had to resort to washing her hair for her. Each time. I know she can't do it properly and since I don't shower with her I don't know what she does. But it generally results in very greasy hair; stiff and sticky to the point that one could just about shape it unaided. And yet I use the same shampoo she does when I do it for her. This time we had to go out so I have her instructions not to put it in a pony tail, just comb it and leave it loose. We get in the car to go out and I notice that she hasn't combed it at all. Just left it as it came out of the towel. How can she ever function independently when she can't grasp the basics of self care? Or is she just lazy and doesn't care? I don't think I shall ever figure that one out.

Just recently we were on a regular shopping trip for groceries. Niece was given the task of taking the empty trolley to the trolley bay, about 30 metres away two parking rows over. I drive a bright yellow car, parked two double rows over and slightly to the right. She came back along the dedicated walkway through the first double row, then suddenly turned right, paused, and kept going. MOTH and I were in the car and wondered what the heck she was doing. We waited a couple of minutes for her to realise she was mistaken and return. MOTH exited the car and bellowed her name. She didn't respond but he managed the scare the living daylights out of a driver in another car. We waited at the car for a while longer. What if she realised, came back, and we were not where she left us? We waited then drove slowly through the carpark trying to see her, around the corner where we normally go, then through the carpark at the back. I dropped MOTH off and went to fetch Jerome's food for the fortnight before returning. I found MOTH who hadn't located Niece, and we continued searching the shopping centre. I even checked toilets. Eventually we went to Police Beat to ask for assistance. They took information, suggested we head home, then search the neighbourhood while they did too. This we did. And as we drove up the driveway, Niece was knocking on our front door. SHE WALKED HOME!! This is a good 40 minute trot.

We couldn't believe it! She couldn't give me a straight answer, only stating she wanted some fresh air and exercise. This from one of the laziest girls I know. So I know that statement was what she thought I wanted to hear, not the actual truth. She probably doesn't even know herself. So now she is on the Police database, and has a record as absconding with her community access worker and Autism Queensland. Which means a whole new risk assessment. I always thought she absconded on an earlier access worker because she didn't like her. Possibly they may have been her brain farts. She gets them but usually they manifest as completely forgetting how to do a task she's done many times over previously. I really don't know.

I've finally bitten the bullet and attended my first NDIS information session. It was a dark and stormy night. I am hoping this was not an omen of how our transition will go!

It was actually easier to understand than I thought. Okay, ask me that again when it actually comes time for a pre-planning meeting with National Disability Insurance Agency (NDIA) next year. NIDS is due to be implemented mid 2018. I'm hoping that I am ready. They say it's better to ask for more than you need than find out you've not asked for enough funding. The organisation who did the presentation were kind enough to give us an information pack that also contained the slides of the presentation. I like this as I now have something to refer to when I get myself off my butt to add to my notes and follow up.

Teen is still working her butt off. Or should I say on? She's been going to gym once a week and working with a personal trainer. She is now noticing that her butt is growing, her thighs are getting stronger and the guns are showing. Squats! Lifts! Metabolic conditioning! When she and Elder begin talking it's like they are speaking a foreign language. Teen goes to a gym outside her area but I think her favourite bit, apart from complaining about the personal trainer, is checking out the puppies and kittens at the pet store in the shopping centre before she goes off to her session.

I don't know if I have mentioned it previously but Elder has settled into a relationship and employment. Her beau is JCH and we seem to get along fine. He's a rather personable young fellow who can take a good ribbing so I guess it can't be all bad. They met at Supanova where she and I both volunteer. I am hoping this one is a stayer as they seem to be producing spawn next April.

That's right. MOTH and I are going to be grandparents. I have christened the spawn Facehugger and am just waiting for it to burst forth in a bloody mess. She is boring and calls it Peanut. The last update suggested that Peanut was now the size of a gameboy. So there you go. About halfway through. We have debated various titles as grandparents. Elder cheekily suggested I should be called something to do with Dragon. Crazy child. We weren't sure about MOTH. I decided we should be Omah and BOF. BOF and Omah, mighty and powerful Gods! Boring Old Fart didn't like his name and insists on Poppy. Boo! So we ended up with Omah and Poppy. We shall see if that sticks, won't we.

MOTH has begun feeding the birds, much as Wilson next door does. We now have doves, pigeons, galahs, cockatoos, and rosellas come to visit. Mornings can be very noisy!

I've heard the peacocks! I had thought that the overabundance of new unit complexes flooding our suburb had driven them out but it seems not. I have yet to see them. One morning I heard loud noises, a weird honking, and found...



... the peahens!

So I can't decide if these next few months will transition slowly because of Facehugger and *ahem* possible excitement of becoming officially old, or too quickly because of NDIS and the absolute confusion this will bring. 2018 is going to be a year of change either way!

Dipping my toe in the devil's playground

Yep. I've signed up for Afterpay. This could be ... dangerous. Teen assures me it is evil. All I can say is I've finally completed the signup process I began some time ago, and used it for a purchase. However, I'm already considering the next item I shall use it for once my payments for my runners - or in my case walkers - are finished. See? Dangerous.

I am still examining my future career options. Ha! Such as they are. Nursing is still on the cards -- if only I could bring myself to phone to gather information about eligibility requirements. I already hold a degree so don't know if I can study a second undergraduate degree. Or whether I am eligible to apply for Government funding for my fees. And I've likely missed the deadline for applying to QTAC for a place in next years autumn enrollments. I will probably need to prove that I can finish it with a huge submission and character references. At least, that's what I had to do as a mature student applying for my last undergrad program.

Or if I can get some fee help to do a vocational course. It looks suspiciously like I am not able at this point because I have a degree. Which is a pain because the course will cost a couple thousand dollars.

I've been out of the workforce for nearly 5 years now. That's not going to look good on the resume.

A new toy has fallen into my hands. Okay, so not new. And not really fallen. I'll admit it. I stole it. From MOTH. He decided he didn't like the band so he stopped using it before he really started. And it sat idle for a long time. Which isn't a good state of affairs for a Fitbit Blaze, right? And I've been playing with a pedometer app on my phone. Which isn't much good because my kids will tell you that my phone spends a lot of time away from my person, in one place. Usually the desk. I've purchased a funky new purple band for it and I can't wait for it to arrive. It's been three days already and it's not here. C'mon! Hurry up! I've set my goals pretty low so I can pat myself on the back for achieving them. Baby steps, right? But I've managed to do >5000 steps for five consecutive days now.

We've finally dispensed with the behaviour chart. Not for any particular reason beyond the ink cartridges in the printer are running low and I didn't want to waste any. She had been doing pretty well and I hadn't seen attention seeking behaviour. And as soon as I say to her not to say that, it's attention seeking, she apologises and pulls her head in. So to speak. There is still much lacking in the concentration and completing tasks properly. And since she's not got the chart she's become rather lazy. The chart included daily chores which seem to have slipped now I think about it. She's pretty happy that she can still access the phone although I do need to be vigilant that she doesn't get lax with her behaviour and relapse. I do still need to remind her occasionally about her actions and what they tell me. We do a recap of her day prior to handing over the phone and this is when I say I saw you do this and that action shows me that blah blah blah.

The phone is till rationed at this point, and continues to remain on the half hour. I will likely review it next week and decide if she can have the phone in her room. I would still like her to stick to the half hour but I'm not sure how to monitor that she does indeed continue to respect that. Otherwise she will be back to her usual of calling at stupid times. Like 0600 before a decent person has time to wake up. Mind, she's usually asleep till 0700 when the alarm goes off. But she'd surely be awake early if she thought she could be on the phone.

And I know that is usual for couples but this relationship isn't usual.

So I wait for her to lapse. I wait in vain for the day when I can send her out knowing she can have a start at a productive life and functioning independently. I wait in the car so many days for her to finish her day program and dawdle out to the car. I wait for my shopping to arrive. I wait for the day I can retire. Actually, I seem to do a lot of waiting don't I...

Oh my good goodness!

The more things change, the more they stay the same.

After the debarcle that was 2016 and relationships, things eventually managed to sort themselves out. I thought I could breathe a sigh of relief but no, not really. She and the inappropriate relationship went their separate ways. At this point in time they remain friends and nothing more. She began again to focus again on a young man attending another program. The same program that said no boyfriend/girlfriend with other students. True to form she began to argue with another female student for the affections of this young man. And as far as I was aware, he did not return those feelings. Still, it didn't stop both girls from ruining a friendship.

In October or November of that year she met at a party a young man she had gone to school with and decided that this was possibly an interest for her. The following month they met at a local dance and decided to become romantically attached. Far more appropriate, right?

A conversation with the hostess of the party early this year provided a surprising outcome. She had asked the boy from the party about Niece and he insisted they were a couple. Well no, they weren't. She didn't believe me. Are you sure? Yes, quite sure. She assured me they were a couple. However, whether or not they were it didn't stop Niece from pursuing the boy from the program, nor another boy she found interesting she'd found at the dance!

Niece asked the party boy she had known from school for his phone number and he became her sole focus. They arranged their first date and met up at a local shopping centre for coffee. This seemed to go well and arrangements were made for a second. The second date seemed to go well so they arranged a third. And from there, it went to hell in a handbasket.

We arrived at the predetermined location and despite her frantic phone calls he was an hour late. Okay. We rescheduled for another day. After waiting for two hours I told her that if he wasn't there in 20 minutes then forget it. After frantic phone calls from her trying to determine his location, we left. Reschedule. MOTH took her this time. He didn't turn up. MOTH refused to wait longer than 20 minutes and brought her back home. Since then, each time she tried to arrange a date he was busy. Soccer. Gym. Family obligations. Now, they see each other once a month at the dance but she calls him almost every day.

The phone calls. Oh, the phone calls. She couldn't live without the phone. Or calling him. Multiple times a day. No credit? DISASTER! YOU MUST RECHARGE MY PHONE NOW! No battery? DISASTER! YOU MUST CHARGE THIS PHONE IMMEDIATELY! IT'S BEEN 5 MINUTES! WHY IS MY PHONE NOT CHARGED? WHY HAVE YOU NOT CHARGED IT YET? WHY MUST YOU DO IT OVERNIGHT? And so on.

At my wits end, I asked her access worker for suggestions; we are now on a behaviour chart with tasks and behaviour guidelines. The behaviour box MUST be ticked before a phone reward is offered for 30 minutes.

Both her access worker and I are convinced that she is still not ready for a relationship but Niece still insists. She said she broke up with him and no one was sure if that was actuality or fantasy. For approximately 10 days or so she was the happiest she had been for the last 18 months. Laughing, joking, participating, doing better at her tasks. All the good things. However she suddenly decided last week that she was stupid for breaking up with him and asked him again if they could be a couple. Her access worker got the impression that the boyfriend didn't even know they'd broken up! That was about 7 days ago and only the last 2 have been anywhere near good.

I wish she would be content to stay single!

I know that I really need to set an end to the behaviour chart but I cannot beyond reminding her that it will continue until I no longer have to remind her every day to use her "happy on purpose" behaviours and not her "unhappy on purpose" behaviour. The way she is going I simply don't see an end coming soon.

I am yet to see how the commencement of the government sponsored NDIS program is going to work. This is a government initiative aimed at helping those with a disability become more independent. I can't see her reaching this milestone as she will always need behaviour coaching, and even prompting for things like personal grooming and healthy/sensible eating. I don't know if the NDIS will mean I have to give up Carer Payment and allowances and return to full time work. And at 52 I think I have reached my employment use by date.

While having my tax done last week I found out that I can get what is virtually a student loan up to a cap of A$108,000. Maybe I can go back to study? I won't be paid much while I am studying either but I already have a degree and a diploma. Neither of them garnered me any work. Would a nursing degree change that?

Only time will tell....

A conundrum of the relationship kind

I thought I'd drop by here as I haven't done it for a while. And look! It tells me a friend has updated her blog 5 months ago. Wow. She hasn't written for ages. And so many entries. But when I look Blogger is playing tricks on me and she's not updated since 2013. How so very odd.

Things are still ongoing here. Niece is still choosing inappropriate relationships. Lately though she has begun to flatly deny there is anything wrong with her choice and any remonstrance to the contrary brings on tantrums. The other problem associated with this is the effect it is having on everything else she does. She is just not functioning normally any more.

Not only is she becoming quite rude if you take her to task, she can no longer do her chores properly. I am now having to check her constantly. She drops cutlery on the floor and once she would have taken it straight to the sink and washed it. Now she picks it up and puts it with the clean stuff. The other day she picked a dirty fork from the sink and took it straight to table. Someone noticed and made her wash it. So she puts it in her hand with the clean ones and rinses it under cold water. No soap.

Twice now, I've caught her wearing her underwear inside out.

Just stupid small things like that which she wouldn't have done before.

The man in question goes to the same program she attends on Monday and Friday. He is 55 years old. Niece is 19. She simply cannot understand why EVERYONE thinks this is not a good idea. The only person who thinks this is a good relationship is another girl who goes to the same program who is also being monitored closely for forming an inappropriate relationship with another older married client.

And yet, I don't want to drop her completely out of this group considering all the trouble we went to to get her placements when she didn't receive any post school funding for proper lifestyle programs. She has gone too far for me to throw up my hands and say whatever. This, I feel, would be rewarding bad behaviour. Even threats of possible suspension haven't deterred the two of them. Yes, he reciprocates.

She constantly tells me that she knows she needs to break up with him but the actions never follow the words. I won't talk to her about it anymore for this exact reason.

I have heard of girls on the spectrum inappropriately obsessing with boys, using stalking behaviours etc, but I've not heard of one who constantly must choose older males she cannot have. I admit I haven't really researched deeply. The general consensus seems to be that one needs to teach the boundaries of appropriate behaviour regarding social and relationship interactions. How do you do this when the person concerned does not want to know? I am certainly not the only one who is trying to provide guidelines. The only time I have taken her to a psychologist I was told they couldn't help because she didn't recognise that she had a problem. I'm somewhat at a loss...

The more things change, the more they stay the same.

May! I can't believe the previous post was May. It's now August. Weird hey, for someone who blogged every week at minimum.

Things with Niece are pretty much still the same. She's still obsessing over boys and getting herself into trouble because of it. She has been warned on more than one occasion that her constant talking about Jackson is not appropriate, even by the group leaders at her day program. Still she persists. Then she stresses about getting into trouble and the situation just gets worse. She has been told that come December when the course ends and he is no longer taboo, she can ask him to the movies.

And then it turns out that he isn't even in her program but is participating in other programs that share communal areas. She says she's never even spoken to him, but considering he's reported her for inappropriate touching I'm pretty certain that this is a stretch of her imagination. Now we are trying to encourage her to speak to him, practice her communication as she would in her day program. We shall see how that goes. I've told her that unless she does this, there isn't much of a chance that he will want to go to the movies with her.

I just wish they'd either boot her out, or he changes the days he attends. That would solve that problem. Till the next boy.

Teen is still here. I will miss her when she moves out. I think... She's saving some money so she can afford a bond before she begins looking seriously. I am not sure I will miss the cat.

Oh, yes. The rehoming. After panic stations when RSPCA proved to be less than helpful, she managed to locate a pet store that did adoptions. Sheldon went to the pet store and was adopted in a couple of days. Teen has taken on Penny. Her partner was also interested in getting a cat, but of course, he's just moved house and he couldn't have her there. So guess where she is. Yep, sucker for punishment I am.

I think Jerome will miss her though. He's found a playmate, finally. They get on pretty well. Most of the time.

Elder has moved out and left the house to the Housemate from Hell. She broke lease she says. As long as the pratt leaves her alone. She relocated so we live in the same city. I see her frequently, but it does feel a little weird that she didn't move in. Mind, I simply don't have the room. But I like that I get to see her.

Her dumb dog, Fred, still likes to lick cane toads. For a border collie he isn't learning quickly.

I've finally finished my diploma. I haven't officially graduated yet. And I've no idea what to do with it. Jobs are scarce, and I don't have the contacts to set up my own business. I guess I need to consider how desperately I want to go back to work. Either that, or I seriously need to find a niche business so I can work for myself. Yes, that's what I need to do....

I sooo can't believe you just said that....

I seem to have let this slide, haven't I. There's been heaps happening. Then again, there hasn't. It's a crazy, mixed up world.

Teen still resides here. She tells me I cramp her style *not in so many words but living with a parent is difficult* but she more cramps mine *not in so many words but living with a child is difficult*. Ha! But there's never really a dull moment. We either get along like a house on fire or the temper flares. And my fuse is oh so short these days. Getting old I guess.

Elder is here for a couple of weeks in an attempt to rehome Sheldon and Penny, her cats. The Housemate from Hell has dictated that she do so. He no sooner moved in than he's at her to get rid of them. So, knowing that it is probably in her/their best interest to do so, she caved. Rehoming is a big deal and she's not doing it to please Housemate. So for two weeks she has been here, trying to organise with the RSPCA their surrender. Two to three weeks they say. Animal Welfare League say at least three weeks. The day before she's due to go home, RSPCA still haven't given any indication if they will even take them let alone anything else. I call them and tell them it's crisis point. No, wait is six to eight weeks. My only choice I say is to slip his collar and set him free. Her response? "I understand and if that's what you have to do, that's what you have to do". Thank you for nothing.

And for the whole two weeks she's been here Housemate has been calling, texting, messaging, pestering her friends trying to locate her to complain about the dogs and back rent he says she owes the real estate agent. I counted at least 12 missed calls from Private Number yesterday alone. This cretin also tries to recruit me to his cause to get her to contact him. And on every occasion, he opens with an insult. Okay, I'm her mother. I know she can be a little childish, and that at least her room will be a pigsty. And then he wonders why I bite back and tell him to stop effing stalking her. Then asks if I'm effing serious, he insists he's not stalking and then threatens to hand her dogs over to the pound. And to top it off he's busy telling me she only feeds her dogs once a week. The dude is a complete tosser.

Things with Niece are still the same. When I think we're getting somewhere she does something stupid. Or stupidly frustrating. This time, she broke one of the rules at her Wednesday gig and has been advised that if she does it again, she will be asked to leave the program. It has to do with a boy. Of course. She rubbed his shoulder *inappropriate touching in a strictly friend/workmate environment* and either they were spotted or he told one of the leaders that he didn't like it. It took her two weeks but she finally owned up. Only after I cornered her though. She'd been showing all the signs that something was weighing on her mind - clutching hands together and pressing them into her face, not concentrating on her tasks, quiet and sullen among other things. Even to the point of hanging around after her Thursday night outing while her support worker and I were talking. She never does that and it was unusual enough for R to notice and comment. But all in all, yeah, all the same.

Teen has been coaching me in the delights of RuPaul's Drag Race. I hate to admit it, but I'm really enjoying it. Sad, hey. But it's fun, and fun bitchy, and so totally non-reality TV related. I enjoy the episodes I watch but won't be at a loss if I don't follow up with another season.

Study still goes on. About four assessments left to go. Can't wait till I'm finished but then again, I'm certainly not in a rush to finish those four. The next and last unit is doing a presentation. *shudders*

Yes! Finally some common sense!

Anyone who knows me knows how much I complain about the content of news these days. And how most journalists seem to be a dumb as the people they report on. But last night two *YES, TWO* of the people interviewed agreed with my opinions. *unusual i know!* The bulletin complained that most accidents are caused by young people *odd, since last year they were bleating that it was people over 70 who caused them* and there was no incentives for them to keep a clean driving record. Maybe a discount on the cost of a driver's license? Yes! One of my pet peeves *and i have a few* is that it's been many years since I've had a speeding ticket or any kind of infringement. Where's my reward for keeping it that way??

In another bulletin *i was only partly listening* someone mentioned that schools don't teach life skills. And a big YES! from me. From the view of having worked in a Government department if you can do all the advanced algebra, calculus, chemistry, and other nonsense you want but you can't balance your own budget, reconcile your credit card, fill out a form, or check your meter box when the lights go out you're kind of behind the eight ball. We definitely need to spend more time teaching kids these basic skills. Though I confess that I don't know how to do the last one...

On a slightly related note, a lot of people claim of the unemployed that "you have plenty of money for your cigarettes and alcohol but you can't blah blah blah" in the media, the social ones particularly. But as a parent and from behind the counter of a Government department I can say that it's because they know how to pool their resources. Okay, some of them beg. But most of them have a lot of friends in the same boat so whoever is flush that day/week will buy the cigarettes and the booze and they share it around. I've noticed though that the same doesn't always go for food unless it's the odd takeaway meal for a friend.

Teen received some devastating news yesterday and it looks like the planned temporary stay will be extended. She was really excited and only had two weeks left of her planned stay before he came to get her and help her move back to live with him and his housemates. He opted out. Poor lass, and there's nothing I can do except annoy the hell out of her till we can't stand each other anymore. As a parent does. It's our job. Apparently I'm good at it.

Elder is keeping very mum lately about herself and her life. Which twigs the "mother" radar that there's something she doesn't want to tell me. Imagine. Fully grown adult who should have her life together too scared to tell mum something because she knows I will disapprove. Kids are odd little creatures. Yes, Elder, if you are reading this I probably know already and you're right, I don't approve. *insert evil grin here*

So to distract ourselves we go house hunting on the interwebs. Houses within your price range, and houses not. It's a lot of fun to look at the ones not in our price range. And I tell you, some of them you wonder what on earth it is you'd be paying rent for. More than $500 a week for a basic three bedroom. I'm glad of where we are at present. The accommodations are cramped but the locale is nice and MOTH has friends here. The neighbours are good too. I came home yesterday and my front yard has been mown. Which, normally, would be fantastic. But I've got the yard man coming this Saturday and since the agreed price is $60 I doubt he will make it any cheaper just because the front only requires an edging now.

All is relatively quiet on the Western Front so to speak. Another glowing report from R when they came home last Thursday. Movies are scheduled this Thursday with a proposed outing to see Goosebumps. Hopefully Niece will enjoy that. She really wants to see Star Wars but that one isn't screening during her hours. Then she chose Zoolander 2 but she hasn't seen the first one and I don't know if she'll get much enjoyment out of it. She'd miss all the satire and silly pop culture references so she might find it boring. I don't think she could say that about Goosebumps. Moose has seen it and recommended it.

So I had my birthday cruise all planned but the Fates intervened as usual. A flat tyre. Apparently I ran over a HUGE cable or conduit clamp. It drove a nail right into the tyre. Teen and I could hear a flub flub flub noise and we were nearly home. On one of the side/rural streets. She leaned out the window to see if she could see the tyre but no. Got into the garage and had a look. Yep. Big thing in the tyre and very audible hissing. *though MOTH insisted that it wasn't hissing as he couldn't hear it* And flat the next day. MOTH spent ages swapping out the flat and rotating tyres so he could take it down to get it repaired. So there went my cruise money. I'll have to sort out funds from another source if I want to go. I still need to get myself together and claim my free muffin and ice cream scoop. Problem with that is the ice cream scoop will have to come from a store several suburbs in the opposite direction to the source of the muffin. Sigh. There is a store in the same suburb but it's not redeemable there. And there's even a store in my local shopping centre but it's not reedeemable there either. That one wasn't opened when I joined up. Bugger... Luckily, I'm not walking it!

Salted caramel. Who even thought of that?

So much for behaving myself. Shopping today and the supermarket was stocking Cadbury salted caramel again. I couldn't help myself. Three blocks, into the trolley.

Did the shopping on my own today. Well, Niece helped as such. She drove the trolley and that was okay. MOTH was joined us when we were finished. As he said, his timing was impeccable. Ready to head for the checkout, I checked my wallet. Oh! There's more money here in my wallet than I should have. I asked MOTH if I had given him the right money for the rent. He didn't know. And of course this time he did not get a receipt. So off he went to check what had been deposited while I unloaded and paid for the groceries. Aaaaand look at that. All the checkouts seem to be closed. Two of them were staffed by three people but each one had a sign on the end saying they were closed.

So one of the ladies asked if I was paying cash or card. Cash I said so she instructed one of the others to take me through. I put the trolley part way down the checkout *instead of the end* and started to unload. Next thing I know, some little old broad is busy unpacking her stuff directly behind mine. The conveyer is going and I'm left with about one foot of space to unpack my things. I'm trying to push some of hers back so I can unload mine, the checkout girl notices and turns the belt off, and the old lady notices and starts unloading my trolley and telling me to move it down. Dim old broad.

So the checkout girl finishes my stuff, rings through my change, and starts immediately on the old broad's order. And I'm left trying to load all my stuff into the trolley while the checkout girl is ringing through the next order. Shoot. And part of my order is still unbagged on the register near the scales. I grab that with one hand because I haven't even had time to put my change into my wallet. And I hope I have everything when I leave the area.

And I've just gone to make a cup of coffee and realise that the three litre bottle of milk didn't make it home with me. I don't know what else got left behind.

The weather has been stinking and I've been waaaay too hot and sweaty to concentrate on my assignments. My tutor sent a text today to find out how I'm going and now wants a draft early next week. Looks like I'm going to have to try to get some done. Great. Maybe I'll have to get the laptop to the shops or something again so I can work. It's way too hot at home with the humidity and lack of air conditioning.

R has brought Niece back home again after tonight's outing with a glowing report. That's three weeks in a row and I'm hoping it continues. She seems to like this one. I'm beginning to think the problem with the previous one was a lack of flexibility and she treated Niece the same way she treated her other clients who may require a more rigid framework. Who knows. But again, it's early days and I'm just hoping it continues. R did tell me though that last week, the chatter about boys was more general and included more talk about the girls and other activities. So, fingers crossed.

The programme Niece attends on Wednesdays sends through an email each week that details what they have covered. And when I go pick her up, I get a glowing report there too that tells me that she's participating well. They are currently looking at personal rights and scenarios and building their own guidelines. I am hoping it works. Apparently one of the other participants touched her on the back and she didn't like it. Good, say I, hopefully she will now get a clue about inappropriate touching.

She is "immunised" so to speak with an implant. Like everything else this is not 100% absolute protection but I'm hoping it's enough. If possible, I could see if I could coax her to take a more permanent solution however even if she did, the doctors would likely only offer to minimal. And then we would have to deal with the usual cycle. Which we don't have to deal with using the implant. Ma would prefer a total solution but I've mentioned that I think the only option they would give would be the minimum.

The dog and the cat thing is annoying the hell out of me the last couple of days. The dog has taken to barking loudly and often each time she sees the cat. If she just shut up it wouldn't be such an annoyance. I'm waiting for the cat to develop diarrhoea from stress. They went through a spell where they would just look at each other but yeah, the last couple of days, it's all bark. Getting just a little p'd off with it.

Birthday month! Bring it I say! Well, I'm feeling my age right about now. So tired and worn out. But. Roll on the freebies. The biggest problem is that even though they're free, I can't afford them. Makes sense, doesn't it. But I get a free small scoop from Baskin & Robbins. A free muffin from Muffin Break. And a free river cruise with Kookaburra Queen river cruises. I really want all three but the last is expensive for three of us even though my ticket is complementary. I'm really going to have to work on that one....

I could be doing something better...

It suddenly occurs to me that I haven't really updated my readers for a while. Some considerable time, in fact. Well, beyond whining about the humidity. Which, by the way, is still happening.

The three weeks that Niece has been away went quickly. Not as quickly as I thought it would but quickly enough. Almost every day felt like a date night.

There's been plenty of hype about the latest Star Wars movie. We managed to get to the cinema to see it. I found it repeated the story lines of previous movies. But I still loved it. I've been on that crazy ride since the beginning in 1977 so yeah, I'm still along. I no longer own the VHS movies. I had the gold boxed set of the three remastered originals. I got rid of them when I moved house. I thought afterward I should have kept them but there is no storage here and they were just lounging around in a box with a heap of others. I don't have a VHS machine to play them on. Ah well. Hopefully someone else gets to enjoy them.

I'm finally nearly finished the portfolio of evidence for my event. I've apparently only got a small one at 47 pages. Some of the ones others were submitting were as long as 80 or 90. Just as long as I pass anyway. Since this assessment is a multiple unit one, that should help knock my remaining assignments down a bit. I'm hoping so anyway.

Niece began her program with one of the local agencies. Did I mention somewhere previously that she's enrolled one day a week? This one is for about 42 weeks and is block funded. That means she doesn't have to pay for the privilege to attend. She seemed to enjoy it. I hope so, as I fear that the spectre of boys has raised it's head again. She met him once and focussed on a lad named Thomas. He likes me and I like him. I had to pull her up very fast to tell her that no, this program is not a boyfriend shop. SHE IS THERE TO LEARN LIFE SKILLS. Siiiigh.

She also has a new support worker as her previous one has been reassigned while Niece was away up north. I did not find this out until a few days before their regular scheduled Thursday outing. This agency certainly leaves a bit to be desired as far as communication and organisation goes. I can change apparently but that would require research and shopping around. I can also look after the funding myself but I am not sure that I am willing to spend the time record keeping for accountability to the Government as far as spending the funds goes.

The new worker - R - took Niece out last Thursday and they seem to be getting along but as she and I both agree, it's early days. Apparently Niece has a bit of a reputation. Which does not surprise me in the least. After dropping Niece back R asked if I would walk her to her vehicle. At which time she told me about Niece chattering on about boys at the program. *aaaaarrrrrrghhhhhhhhh!!!!!* A different one this time. She did talk about girls too, but R's "mother" instinct decided that this chatter didn't quite ring right. Enough that she felt she should mention it to me. So, there you go. And at least I know. R thought it was good to know the background and she is happy to add comments along the lines of "good to have friends" and generally discourage the boyfriend angle.

I think I'm happy for the support with this one. I think she's the first one since Tee who has actually given me feedback about her behaviour during the outing instead of either nothing, or a general 'she had a good time'. R thinks Niece's life skills are good and was happy to tell me that the skills she has been taught have been carried over - thinking about what she can buy, money, ordering, buying, etc. Which is very good to know.

Teen moved in. She tells me it's a short term thing and the only reason she came was because I was desperate to have her here and I would cry if she didn't come. Well, actually, I said "as a last resort" if she couldn't find anything. It seems she had but had already committed to coming here. So she's here on an extended holiday. Which suits me fine.

She brought Fennekin with her. A messy little yappy white dog. Okay, not so much with the yappy. And she's happy to be by herself during the day. And so far, she hasn't dug holes or tried to escape. Actually, I think she's okay for a dog. Jerome isn't so sure...

MOTH and I finally gave up on the BMW. I had the garage give me a quote on repairs to bring it back up to speed. A grand total of >$5000. After lots of consideration I applied for a draw down on my superannuation and explained that I needed a replacement vehicle. They gave it to me. And for the same price, I have purchased a used vehicle that I hope will be easier and less expensive to repair when the time comes. The BMW needed a lot of work and we decided to sell it to the wreckers instead of trying for a private sale. After a quick browse of the web, a quick look at a dealer yard on the weekend, and approaching one of the private sales on the web I took a test drive. And I bought it. Ooops.

So I thought I had a hernia developing. Particularly after mowing the lawn for MOTH just prior to Christmas. That night, burn burn burn. All of the hurts. However, nothing much has changed so the doctor is inclined to think that perhaps it was a strain of some sort. Most of the pain has died off at present, so I'm hoping things have settled. All my other test results have come back okay. Even my iron levels are good and I can decrease the amount of supplement I take. Which my wallet will be happy about. Vitamin D could do with some work *and if i say i need vitamin D the kids giggle* I am overweight though and need to think about doing something about that.

MOTH is now on a health plan to deal with his weight. Under his doctor's supervision he receives up to 5 free appointments with a dietitian. Since I am not on a health plan, I don't get this service so I will be riding along on his coat tails. My biggest problem is, I think, a lack of exercise. Even my chocolate intake has reduced over the last few years with very little difference. These days I take only 1 or 2 sugars in the occasional cup of coffee. I probably also need to kick up my food intake. I tend to graze when bored or only eat when I'm hungry, but I think need to graze on fruit and low fat yoghurt perhaps instead of chocolate squares. I eat enough by way of veges as I nearly always get 5 serves a day. I don't have any problem with that part. By the time I serve potato, peas, pumpkin, carrot, and one other like broccoli or cauliflower or zucchini, I've reached that 'magic' number. I don't eat them with butter and dinner is served on a bread and butter plate.

Yep, just need to get myself together to *ugh* leave the house and walk. Siiiighhhh....

Summer. I hate you so much right now.

It's too hot and humid to be alive. I just want to fire bomb everyone and everything. Where is the nearest shuttle to Hoth??

Catching up

So it seems that time has slipped by again. And every time I do actually update it's a litany of complaints about Niece and her behaviour. Why is that? Maybe this is becoming my therapy.

We have had a wonderful day today. Until she wanted to talk about boys. And I've been busy telling her how wonderful she's been today. And then she wants to talk about boys.

I hate talking about boys with her. She keeps on and on about Brendan, and he's her boyfriend. I try to tell her that boyfriend/girlfriend stuff will be important for the rest of her life. But Brendan and she will be together for the rest of her life. As far as she is concerned anyway. And nothing I say will dissuade her. I'm trying to tell her that she will have many boys. Also, as her book *a thick tome called girl stuff* says, it's okay to be single. But nooooo, she will have a boyfriend. I try to explain that any girl who NEEDS a boyfriend to make her love herself is destined for trouble. A girl needs to be picky and part of that will be being single. But noooooo. Her face falls, she gets that thunderous expression, and nothing gets through.

And I told her, we've had such a wonderful day, I didn't want to spoil it by having a discussion that always makes her angry. She insisted and after a time I spent the next fifteen minutes telling her to find something else to do because I didn't want to ruin a lovely day. Eventually I had to say get lost, put the book away, and find something that will make you happy. In fact, I had to be very very blunt about it.

So, perfect day ruined. And I haven't even had a chance to finish my dinner.

Finally finished the last of my Christmas shopping today. I hope. It's not much but I hope Froggy likes hers. It's something special I found during Ekka time and I really enjoyed it. Yay!

I guess I should bring you up to date about my event. It seems to have gone off smoothly. I really did enjoy the opportunity to work on it even if it was a fancy way of booking a table at a restaurant. I decided to give the guests little bonbonnieres as a way of saying thank you for letting me organise your event. It was going to be a bit expensive to do this but whatever. And then the booking went from 30 to 56. Ouch! It ended up costing me a fortune to do this and decorate the tables. The client didn't pay for anything. And the College won't be reimbursing any costs. My fault for ending up trying to organise an event with a client who has no budget and all guests pay for their own.

Now I have to work that into a huge document and make it sound a lot more complicated than it actually was. That could prove to be a little troublesome. Progress is slow because procrastination keeps getting in the way. Much like updating this blog.

But I only have about 17 assessments left to go I think.

MOTH has been playing Santa for the local shopping centre. He's having an absolute ball. It's hot and sweaty work and he comes home exhausted but he's still loving it. He was told today that the centre was getting great feedback. He was to have job shared with another but the other man's wife fell ill so MOTH is doing the whole stint by himself. Minus a couple of days he couldn't do because of other commitments.

Obviously they do pet photos as well. And he doesn't mind those either.

Niece goes back home for about three weeks this coming Monday. She's excited about it, and so am I. She's then travelling home with Teen and Elder. Teen will be staying on for a while. Should be fun. Bring it, I say!

Ummm, where did that go?

*ahem* So it was pointed out to me that it's been a while since I last journalled. I guess it's because nothing much has changed and I'm so absorbed into the passing of the every ordinary day that time just flies by without notice.

As a result of the ditching of the support worker, I have withdrawn the privilege of a boyfriend. Niece is not happy. No letters, no phone calls, no visits. She was to tell him that he couldn't come over and to this day, despite assurances otherwise, I'm not sure she's actually told him. Certainly not the circumstances that led to that decision.

The support worker - another with the first initial T - went on holidays for two weeks and Autism Q were to arrange a replacement for the absence. The first week it got to half hour beyond the pick up time and I had to phone to find out where they were. Uh oh. Apparently the agency stuffed up. *i have heard that the blame game gets played often. even i've worn it behind my back apparently* And Niece didn't go out that night. We did arrange though that the next week she would only go to one of the respite houses for the duration. Nowhere near the shops. No take away either. She wasn't impressed but I believe that on the night, she wore it well.

So now she's busy harping on about having a boyfriend, particularly the one she had before she misbehaved. I have resorted to telling her that unless she behaves well, keeping to the rules of trust, honesty, respect *at least three traits of a successful relationship as per her book* then she's not worthwhile having as a girlfriend. All she will do is hurt the young fellow, and he doesn't deserve that. Cue the moaning.

I've also put up a whiteboard in her room with tips and lists of helpful and unhelpful behaviours. Along with the slogan "I don't want to hear it, I want to see it". I'm still hearing it plenty as she wants to talk about how she should be behave endlessly. I'm still yet to see it put into practice. She's also labouring under the impression that one or two days of good behaviour and she'll get her boyfriend and all her privileges back. Think again young lady! *yes, i know, mean*

I have managed to find an event. However, it's not what I was looking for but I've decided it will have to do. It has enough people, but they don't want anything fancy so I'm more or less booking at table at a restaurant and trying to make it bigger than it sounds. Hard work, I tell you.

I've come down with a nasty cold right about now. So tired but I still have to do my event stuff and the assignments that go with it, and the assignments that don't. So much to do!

Had a meeting booked with my guidance officer last week. I'm now about 75% of the way through the course. But. Got all the way over there ... and he's double booked himself and he's not there. We did manage to do it by phone though. Elder drove me the suburb over to the meeting. After the call, we drove over to another shopping centre and I changed over my phone.

Going to cost a packet which I can't afford but ah well. What the heck. I can't help it, I love my tech and I like to update.

ARRRRRRGHHHH

Another Thursday night that started out fine but I've just had a call from Niece's support worker. She's bringing her home because Niece ditched her again. I really don't know what to do with the girl. I really don't.

When I first moved into the suburb I could hear a particular bird call. A very distinctive one. I dismissed it because it was so out of place in a suburb. And I thought I've heard it several times since. I mentioned it to Ma just recently and she recalled that I had mentioned it when we first moved here.

But now I've found out that I was right after all!

I've heard them plenty of times since but not seen them. The neighbours on the upper side tell us they've been seen plenty of times. They were on our roof too that day, as well as theirs.

I've now managed to meet some of the neighbours too. A couple living further up the street are heading over to New Zealand so an afternoon tea was held to say farewell. Alas, that day it chose to rain. MOTH managed a few minutes before he had to be away to collect Niece from respite. They got back, sat down, and it started to rain.

I still don't have an event to organise for my study. I might have something in the pipeline but I don't know when I'll hear back. Hopefully I'll be able to work on that. If not, I might try for a neighbourhood afternoon tea/evening bbq. In December. But instead of Christmas I might factor in a Wiccan festival, Litha, the celebration of the Summer Solstice. Who knows. It's all still very much up in the air. A bit like the peahens really...

I need chocolate. Lots of it.

Wow. I didn't realise that much time had passed since my last posting. I guess because I chat to Froggy outside this journal I hadn't noticed.

We've managed to make it through the school holidays. School goes back tomorrow. I think she might be looking forward to it, it's difficult to tell. She has frustrated me as per usual but at the same time, her behaviour has been good. She's been "helping" me although she doesn't check first so a lot of the things she's done to be helpful I have to undo. But at least she's been using her noggin to take the initiative.

Did I mention that I have allowed her to have a boyfriend? As long as she follows "the rules". Which are the social etiquette guidelines she often ignored with her previous obsession. She seems to be following so far and keeps reminding me occasionally that I don't mind if she has one, as long as she follows the rules. I let him come over for about an hour or so one morning with instructions to stay out of her room. They did end up in there to listen to music but judging by the slurping noises that didn't last long. I did mention after he'd gone that next time they want music, it will be out in the entertainment area. She seemed okay with this.

I had the most amazing time volunteering for the Festival. I did three of my shifts at the Information booth, then was asked if I would change to Theatre Republic. Sure, why not. I wasn't sure where I was supposed to go. I knew the approximate area but had never been in that area before. It was an experience! A HUGE storm came through late that afternoon and the rain didn't really stop until long after I had finished. I arrived for my shift on time only to discover that everyone else thought it started an hour later. I spent my first hour reading some coffee table material at La Boite Theatre. I ended up at the door of one of the smaller performance areas, taking tickets. Loved it. The other volunteer on the door with me didn't even think to check the tickets to make sure they were valid. Oops! Just as well I did as someone presented tickets for a different night. When I looked again it was for a completely different show. She had them all bundled together so we had to sort them out to find the right ones. At the end of the evening I was told to sit in on the performance. I wasn't keen but didn't really have a choice. I really enjoyed what I did see. Before I nodded off... The show was called Dead Royal and was a small set with a solo artist doing a monologue from the point of view of Wallace Simpson and then Diana Spencer. It was funny.

Bestie asked if we would like to attend Riverfire with her. It is normally free but you have to buy drinks. This time though it was going to cost $10 each. Niece would be in respite so that would have been all right. They have kids entertainment, a DJ, food, drinks, and face painting. And a pretty good viewpoint. But we declined. Just didn't feel like going this time and I begged that I would be tired.

So no Riverfire. But I did want to go to the Artist Part afterward for volunteers. It didn't start till 10pm though. Rough call. But I want to gooooo. And then I was asked if I would work an extra shift. At Riverfire. So I did. Whoo! Right in front of QPAC on the riverside. Standing in front of one of the venue tents and answering spectator enquiries. I did that for four and a half hours. Loved it.

The party afterward was slow to start as we were sharing the venue with the great unwashed. And I knew no one there. I was nearly tempted to go home but then a couple of faces I recognised turned up so it wasn't a complete loss. I was going to have to stay till 1:30am when the buses started running again but ended up calling MOTH to come collect me around midnight.

Elder went home but came back so MOTH and I could attend one of the shows. Hot Brown Honey. A variety act with a bit of burlesque. Music, comedy, dancing, aerial acrobatics, and a strong empowering women message. I really enjoyed it.

Elder went home again. Then this weekend popped back with a couple of friends to grab some more stuff. And those friends decided they had a personal breakdown and went back north. In the middle of the night. And left her here. And one of them told her she could get a fare home for about $25. Well no, she isn't a student so doesn't get any discount at all for rail travel. So we have plane, train, and bus all around $130 minimum. Thanks, friend. And I can't drive her either because my car needs fixing with no funds to fix it. It's fine for around town but no further. And the registration is due. And the insurance is due for renewal...

So since I have no money and I have a role play for an assessment tomorrow, I'm off to console myself with chocolate....

It's Good News Week ... or something

Dear Diary....

Seems a little time has passed since I last journalled. Remember keeping a diary as a teenager and starting each entry with that phrase? Yeah, I did. And mum found it and read it. Uh. Oh.

Wow Chris! Pottery. And by looking at the quilts and things you make it would have looked lovely too.

I've just had my study extention reviewed. Nothing drastic but it's only done month by month and it seems that the month is up. Already. I can't believe that. Though in the last month I think I've managed to polish off a couple more units. Or maybe one, and I'm working on another. This unit is about diversity in the workplace. You know, equal opportunity, harassment, and all that. I know my tutor is paid to give me positive comments but I can't help be a little chuffed at her comment regarding the standard of a rather complicated memo I had to write for my previous assessment. Apparently I could be a professional policy writer.

Wait. Is that something to be proud of?

Things with Niece are still stumbling along. She's still completely frustrating. She hasn't been out for her Thursday night outing with her support worker for about three weeks now so we're getting a little weary of each other. I think she and her support worker are getting a little tired of each other too. Her support worker is my age so Niece isn't positively impressed I think. There have been a few times they've come back early because Niece has either pleaded "tired" or from bad behaviour. Unfortunately, probably almost as many of these as there has been good outings. One evening about three or four weeks ago it was bad behaviour. Her worker had to go to the toilet and Niece went too. Except between entering the stall and Worker coming out, Niece had disappeared. Completely. Worker went through every area she could think of, scanning faces, and couldn't find her. For some considerable time, quite possibly more than 15 minutes. Worker called her boss and the boss said, call the police. And suddenly, there was Niece, walking toward her.

Apparently she wandered off to talk to a boy then bought herself dinner. At any rate, her money was gone. And now, she has to stand outside the stall door so Worker can see her feet and Worker holds her wallet so she can't spend money. Until Worker decides she can trust Niece again. This behaviour was so disappointing BECAUSE SHE KNOWS IT'S NOT ACCEPTABLE. And she'd never do it if she was with me.

I still don't have an event to organise. The one day seminar isn't being done this year, the fundraiser turned out to be something for a Church committee. I thought I had a birthday party but my contact never got back to me, nor did she give me the details of the person to whom she had passed responsibility. The school principle has said he'd pass on my information to the people concerned and get them to contact me directly. That was a week or two ago and nothing. I don't even know who the person was going to be. It's all just too difficult really.

In the meantime, Teen was on her way through with Bman's family, travelling overseas to visit relatives. We managed to grab a quick late lunch at the DFO (Direct Factory Outlet) complex between flights. It was good to catch up with them all again. MOTH hadn't met them before and he really likes them.

Elder has decided to flee again. Back north. *shakes head* But this time, I think I am really going to miss her company. It still feels like she's been here on holiday even though it's been about four months. All the laughs.

I did have a win today though. My credit card company phoned me today. I've been on a hardship agreement with them for the last 12 months. It's due to expire next week. They've agreed to extend it and I'm deliriously happy. I felt like I'd won the lotto. They have been so easy to deal with, an absolute dream.

And mixed in with this is my volunteering. I've received my roster for the local one, a school/library/reading festival and I will have an author to look after/introduce. His name is Michael Salmon. I'm nervous and hope I don't stuff up!

I scored a place with the other big event! YES!! I've been to induction and apparently there were over 900 applications to volunteer and only around half that number or less accepted. I was one of the lucky ones accepted. So stoked! I've got five shifts, each 5 hours long, over the course of the three weeks. The event is an international arts festival. My roster says I will be at the information booth, working with the Volunteer Coordinator. I had better be on my best behaviour, hadn't I?!

Move over Square Eyes

I've been staring at a screen for so long it seems that my eyes are going square. Now I'm not saying that I'm actually managing to accomplish anything because it feels like I'm not. But there's a lot of screen time involved and it's not gaming.

Some of this *ahem* screen time has been the current craze for colouring. Okay, I admit it. I've been doing it for years. But until the craze caught on, it's been very difficult to get books suitable for grownup colouring. I'm guessing they will become scarce again when the craze peters out? As crazes often do. Maybe I should stock up...

I confess I'm not as good with it as I might once have been. The pictures are very, very detailed and my eyes aren't what they used to be. But it passes the time and it's a good way to relieve some of the stress.

From study. Too much study going on. I forgot that by asking for the second cluster of my studies to be released I brought forward my completion date. At any rate, I'm now running on a study plan and an extension. Which I do not like. Because study plan.

As well as the study plan, I also need to do my event. It has to be done the same time as the others. This is not going to be easy. Trying to find an event to run is difficult. There are no birthdays, weddings, engagements, christenings, on my immediate horizon so I'm having to source something else. The original plan was a neighbourhood meet and greet but my tutor is very so so about this one. A friend offered me a gaming day to organise but my tutor thinks that is too casual and I would have to formalise it. I'm not sure a bunch of geeks who attend a very casual function will necessarily want to have their day structured and formalised. A friend offered me the possibility of a one day seminar but that's in October and in Melbourne. I like that one. Another friend offered me a fundraiser in September. Which is more along the lines of what I want but she's a bit tardy on replies and the whole getting back to me thing. And I'm not sure she understands that I HAVE TO ORGANISE AND RUN IT, not just help her with it. So I will have to chase her up about it very soon. I don't even have any details yet so I can't even begin to look at that one. So it's all very stressful at present!

And on top of that, I've put my name down to volunteer at a couple of events. One of them is a local event and it looks like I just have to wait to be rostered. The other is much bigger and I have to wait to find out if I'm accepted. I hope I get that. It would be great.

Just as well I don't mind a bit of stress hey. Actually what am I saying? I'm so out of practice dealing with that stress stuff....

Untitled

Just recently I was talking to someone about Niece. Well, I say talking, but in reality I was ranting about something she had done. And I was told in no uncertain terms that they had no sympathy for me, I was ungrateful, and should feel blessed by any little thing that she does. The tirade concluded with comparing her behaviour to another mutually known child of the same age, quick to point out that Niece accomplishes so much more. And some words were exchanged.

And coming from out of the blue like that, it hurt. It hurt a lot.

But it's okay, I can understand their frustration and anger at their own situation and I can forgive them for that. But that didn't stop the fact that the words hurt.

But you see, being a carer is tough and while I may look like I live the life I don't. Not really. True, while she is at school I'm free to do as I please. And that means housework, study, going out to the shops, watching television, whatever I want and with far less restriction than a 9 to 5 job. But the whole point of being a carer is that while she is home she requires some sort of care. And here, that's constant supervision.

So it's a bit like that old adage of comparing apples and oranges really. One might CHOOSE to not think for herself, Niece simply CAN'T. Child A can be left alone to fend for herself. Child A can go out for a walk to the shops, grab a taxi/bus/train, go visit a friend. She can, if she chooses, cook herself a meal or do a task and you could expect that task would be done properly. And by properly I don't mean to a high standard, I mean completed and you wouldn't expect to have to go back to make sure you don't have to redo it from scratch.

Niece CAN'T do those simple everyday things. She can't cook herself a meal. She can make a sandwich of sorts, she can boil the jug and make a cup of noodles. She can use the toaster. But she can't use the microwave. Or the oven. Or the stove. She thinks she can microwave because hey pressing buttons, any buttons, will get her the result she wants. Because that's what she's seen us do. And she gets angry and frustrated when I pull her up and make her treat it with respect because she needs to remember that it's an oven. Porridge this morning took 20 minutes for a less than five minute task.

I can't send her into the supermarket to pick up bread or buy milk. She can't remember which milk we buy, she can't tell the difference between the use by dates, she has to be prompted to think about which is bigger, 2 litres or 3 litres. And she can't do money. She has to be prompted to look at how much, round up, collect the change. She doesn't know how to use coin because she can't count it. *i've a sneaking suspicion she can do more than she lets on because when it becomes clear after a time that i will not count it for her, she suddenly arrives at the answer*

She can't grab a transport card and jump on a bus. She can't call a taxi and go out. However, she can call an ambulance in an emergency so I think that, at least, is a blessing.

If it's part of her normal routine she can remember do it without prompting. Like wipe up in the morning and empty the dishwasher. But I still have to check to make sure the dishwasher is actually empty. Once she dried and put away all the dishes in the top shelf. But not the bottom because she could see they were dirty. It never occurred to her the dishes in the top shelf would be dirty too. She has to talk herself through whether or not the dishwasher is actually going before she opens it. Is that light flashing or not? Because if she doesn't, she's likely to open it while it's still running. She only needed to be told a couple of times to remember that Saturday is the day she changes her sheets. But every day I still need to remind her to use a hair brush and not her hands to pull her hair back into a pony tail.

She wears incontinence pads, and if I don't remember to check every day, she's just as likely not to wear one. Or even if she's not, she'll tell me she is. And it's just as likely I won't find out she's had an accident until I do the next laundry load and wonder why it smells.

She doesn't help with dinner preparation any more and hasn't for a while. Because I got tired of telling her she needs to wash the potatoes after they're peeled and before they're cut. And emptying the dirty water out of the saucepan, washing them best as I could, and redoing the water/salt. Every night. Without fail.

And every task is the same. Every day. Here at home, at school, and at work.

So yes, when I look at what some of the other carers have to do I do consider myself very lucky. But that doesn't mean the constant repetitiveness doesn't become frustrating occasionally. Especially when combined with all the preteen behaviour which - and I know this is part of the condition - is not at all charming in an 18 year old girl.

She appears to be high functioning but the more time you spend with her the more you realise she really is not. Most definitely not. Every day little things you could expect from someone high functioning on the spectrum are so far beyond her capability. Every. Day.

I've already been told she'll never be high functioning enough to hold a paid job with any of the providers. Not even one of the repetitive ones as she makes too many mistakes and can't be left alone to complete her task. When she does complete her task, she stands there without thinking to ask what she should do next.

So friend, forgiven for getting tired of my venting. I will try to remember that you have it tough too and not complain about mine so much. xxx

What a shame I have to go back to work

My my time flies. It didn't seem that long ago that I posted my last post *queue dogs howling*

Not a lot has happened here. Or maybe it has. I really don't know. It just all seems so ... normal. For here.

Niece and I had a big dust up, probably about the boy thing. She got really rude about being told off and as a result didn't get to go to Movieworld but sent to bed instead. The morning of her birthday the bus didn't turn up. Turns out she had told them not to pick her up as she wasn't going to school. When the bus came back to pick her up, Niece pushed past me and got on the bus, face like thunder, and slammed her seatbelt into the catch while I spoke to the lady who looks after the kids on the bus. I told her that Niece had sworn black and blue that she had not told them not to pick her up. In hindsight, I should have phoned the bus company the night before when Niece told me this. But ah well, I obviously wasn't switched on then. And as far as I'm aware Niece never apologised for that.

So she didn't go to Movieworld because she'd had the huge tantrum. *hey. just noticed. sometimes when i breathe out i fog up my own glasses. how cool is that??* After a time when I'd cooled down I spoke gently to her and pointed out *again* how bad actions get bad results. And *i think* because she didn't get to go to Movieworld she was on her best behaviour for a while after that. So. All is once again calm.

But yesterday she brought home a dress. One of the teacher aides bought it for her while they were out for school, a shopping activity looking at different types of clothes shopping. This wouldn't have bothered me too much but I got the impression from the letter enclosed with the dress that Niece had asked for it to be bought for her. And Niece tells me no other child in that activity had something bought for them. I made her take it back along with the amount owed for the cost of the dress. And told her that the money had to come from either her or me so she wouldn't be getting her money for dinner while she's out with her support worker. Harsh, maybe, but nothing comes for free. And she must learn that there are consequences for every action she takes. I've also emailed her teacher and left the final decision with her regarding whether Niece gets to keep the dress or not. Either way, someone still needs to pay for it. I hate feeling obligated and I've never met this teacher aide.

Study still goes on. I'm slowly working my way through it but I still have no idea what to do with the diploma when I finish. The field is very competitive *why do i always manage to choose the ones like that? it's impossible to get work doing this unless i try establish my own business. which is harder than trying to get a job working for someone else* Everyone seems to want to do weddings, festivals, parties. There are so many companies out there doing this. You only have to search the internet to see this. So I thought I would go the other direction. And that seems to be just as difficult. Funeral Celebrants are few and far between but funeral companies have their own preferences. Celebrants also lead the ceremony and I definitely don't want to do that. I only want to help the relatives plan the event. The funeral director *or whoever usually does that* can lead the ceremony!

So I'm at a bit of a loss as to what to do with that. And office work I can do is kind of scarce. I've been out of work for nearly two years now and I'm over 50. Things are going to be a little ... rough out there.

But Niece managed to get to Movieworld after all. Her behaviour had improved that much. Elder took her along and it seemed she had a good time.

Elder seems to be improving as well. I can see it in her attitude. And I think that's great. Now if we can just get her employed too...

Advice anyone??

Darn. My glasses need cleaning. But there is nothing I can seem to be able to do to get them clean. I don't know what the problem is, I have the spray and a cloth. But they won't clean. I'm at my wits end. Not that that takes much these days.

Elder has returned home. From the way she speaks I'm not sure how things went with Burrich. He's desperately in need of help as well but won't see the doctor. Why do these kids do that to themselves?

She's been for her review an is back on medication. It's only been a couple of days and she's not feeling well. I'm hoping that the meds and being here will help her state of mind. She doesn't like being on the medication but really it's a good place to start. She's not been able to manage by herself so now is the time for intervention.

And here's the crunch. I'm at the end of my tether where Niece's behaviour goes. Well, with boys. Despite being told many, many times by many different people she still persists in inappropriate behaviour. Flirting. Kissing. Telling everyone that she loves so and so. I think I mentioned in a previous post that she kissed a boy at work. I received an email from her teacher today letting me know that her behaviour still persists. She got hold of another student's iPad and recorded a message on it saying she loves Patrick and is going to marry him *STILL!* and something about still liking the boy at work. I've tried to point out to her that this is not on. But she just won't get it. The teacher in charge of the student who owned the iPad hauled her over the coals about it today.

Niece's teacher is worried. I've tried to point out to Niece that ALL THE ADULTS she has contact with have tried to tell her this behaviour is not on. All three of the support workers she's had, me, her teacher, her teacher aide, the other teacher today. AND SHE JUST DOESN'T GET IT.

I've even told her that the way she goes on, it's not if she'll get raped, but when. I've even toyed with the idea of making her watch Jodie Foster's scene from The Accused to show her how inappropriate behaviour can get her into trouble. Her teacher and I are both at a loss as to how to curb this. Anyone got any ideas???

PS Any ideas how to get my glasses clean?